Five hours straight! I cannot believe this for the life of me - I just spent five hours straight making sensual and passionate love to Tide. Sting playing in the background, I couldn't get my hands off her, and seeing the passionate stare from her large blue eyes I couldn't hold back. She gave herself to me, her body was mine, such a beautiful body, such a beautiful woman. It felt so good...
We're done for the night, daybreak is around the corner and we have an agreement: this is purely physical. She gets dressed, we head to the car - I drive her home, we kiss one last time as she gets out.
This is the third time in less than a week that we're together, the third time we spend a full night all over each other. I didn't know that I was able to do it once, let alone three times.
Now the moment of awkwardness - Tide and I work together, she runs a place for which I am part owner. If the others found out heads might role. We agreed, Tide and I, that we're both adults, that we know what we're getting into and we can handle it like adults. I don't really know who we were kidding, we had lust hanging over us during our talk - she argued we can handle it, I figured that if she thinks so, then she must be right. So I agreed.
This is the first time I am in a 'purely physical' agreement. I'm learning the ropes here, but I am aware of one thing, coming out of my previous relationship, I don't feel like I should be going into another for a while. I have physical needs though. During our talk 10 days ago, Tide explained that she's in a similar situation. This realisation lead to one logical conclusion and then the next and eventually last night.
Now though I'm feeling something I don't quite understand. It's as if I miss her or just want her by my side. The love-making was amazing, but it felt just as good to have her fall asleep in my arms just before the break of dawn this morning, fall asleep after she threatened to go home because she thought I was falling asleep. I don't know what 'purely physical' means, I don't know if TLC is part of it or if that is falling in love, being infatuated. My physical needs and my desires are pulling me towards her - but my heart might be tagging along and I truly fear the consequences of yet another relationship.
I don't think I feel love, and I don't even know when I last truly felt love; I'm not sure I understand anymore the meaning of the word. I do feel the wanting though, the wanting that goes with being in love.
