- I'll be missing you...
- But it's 3 am and you'll be seeing me tomorrow evening?
- I know, Tide, I'll be missing you until then.
She smiles and says that she doesn't want to say something that makes her sound stupid - I draw it out of her: "I'll be missing you, too."
It now looks as though my adventure with care-free hedonism was set to be short-lived. I had put thought into it, I had made a very clear decision at the time of my break-up five weeks ago about not getting into relationships, at least not for a while. The image before me was of months or even years without a relationship, a time during which I would hook up every now and then with someone who caught my eye, someone who desired me as I did her.
It was all quite elaborate, it all made complete sense. It was all wrong. It was a decision made in another state of mind. Making my first steps into hedonism, I was nervous and almost lonely getting into this new world. Now that I've left it, I'm happy again. My heart longs for being loved and it needs to be able to love. I will now let it go free, be an optimist and free myself of the chains of fear.
I've decided to let down my defences, to let myself fall in love with Tide.
