Before I manage to open the door myself, Tide opens it. She greets me with a large and loving smile, happy to see me home from my work trip. She asks how it was, what happened since we spoke last night. There was a party; there was drinking and dancing; I went to sleep after sunrise. This much I tell her, this much she knew.
What she doesn't know: Angel and I left the party. We admitted to each other that ever since the ominous events of eighteen months ago, we've both been struggling to find a way to get over the other. This is the first time we talk about it. We're both in relationships now - on my part, I tell her I'm in a happy relationship with Tide. I've also however been fantasizing about Angel: she sits right next to me at work, we clearly enjoy each others' company. It turns out that she too feels the same lust I do between us. Sait was so hoping that it would not be mutual, that I would find out that train had gone and I could finally get over her. It wasn't Sait however that drove me to her, to talk about this, it was very much Sophie.
Sophie had said back then and was happy to repeat it: relationships are dangerous, lust, desire and 'do no harm' should be your drivers. Now, she continues, you can't avoid doing harm - you either harm yourself by forcefully closing the door on lust and desire or harm Tide by leaving it open. Of course Sait is the one who is really concerned about the harm to Tide. Coming home to Tide, I had no problem getting back into her arms enthralling myself in some passionate love-making. Sophie, however, had encouraged me to spend hours doing the same just the night before with Angel - and I so enjoyed that too.
Now though, I have to live a cowardly lie or courageously face the consequences of my actions - I've chosen the first with the caveat that one day I will come clean, because I know I have to.
